I’m unfit to be a wife again

I long to close my eyes / find an intimate darkness / to enhance feeling / one of those hugs my
husband was famous for / all enveloping / with tenderness / I stand in the kitchen / talk to him each
morning / sipping my coffee / though he’s not here

Should his spirit visit / I’d need to warn about changes / the house he rebuilt converted to my left-
handedness / items shifted in the fridge / the cabinets / the coffee maker left of the sink / confess
my shortcomings / my clutter / in his meticulous world

I know now / how hard I am / to live with / well not exactly / but I can be quirky / have habits
downright weird / like rotating dishes in the cupboard / making sure each one / gets its due /
understands it’s appreciated

Maybe he could text me / it wouldn’t be shocking / how delicious communication / I could ask
where he put the keys / to the electric box / what he did / with our marriage license / where he hid
/ his last will and testament with original signature

I wouldn’t try to fetch him / I’m no Orpheus / I can’t carry a lyre or a tune / no silks and jewels to
offer at the gates / no god would grant me passage / besides I know myself / I would turn and look

Most of all I’m still waiting / for him to enter my dreams / his dream world always so rich / mine
as meager as a thin slice of cheese / in my dream he will drive me / to the edge of jungle / stop in
front of wrought iron gates / tell me it’s time to make my way / into this single life / he’ll stay
behind the wheel / back away / reminding me to give myself a hug